Category Archives: Cool

Finger Sporks


Floating cities, jet packs, and cyborg bodies; they’re all part of the amazing future we’re still waiting for. At Archie McPhee, we have been working feverishly to make that bright future a reality. Introducing Finger Sporks, instant robotic enhancements for your fingertips! Regular humans pick up one bite at a time, but a Finger Spork-wearing superhuman can scoop up four cyborg-size bites at once! Four vinyl Finger Sporks (3-1/2″ tall x 1-1/4″ wide) in four bright colors.

Special Shit Seasoning

Special Shit all-purpose seasoning was born in the humble kitchen of Big Cock Ranch in Lexington, Texas. Dan Martin, cattle-baron and owner of Big Cock Ranch, has been using this special blend of seasonings for years on steak, chicken, barbeque, vegetables and other culinary delights.

One day, Dan’s stockbroker, Randy, watched as Dan sprinkled something from a very non-descript jar onto some juicy rib-eye steaks. Randy wanted to know the origin of the seasoning and Dan informed him that it was his own concoction. A few days later Randy asked if he could have some of the spice. Dan didn’t know what he was talking about until Randy said “you know…your Special Shit.”

Well, a legend was born

Friends and co-workers began encouraging Dan to manufacture Special Shit in quantity so they could give it to their friends and family. Soon co-workers were ordering it by the case. One of Dan’s clients began using it as sales incentives, another shipped it to their international sales offices. Folks in 17 countries have now enjoyed Special Shit.

The father of one of our brave soldiers in Iraq shipped his son a few bottles of Special Shit for Christmas to try to make the MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) a little more palatable. The soldiers in his platoon were so impressed that the military newspaper ran an article about how much the soldiers enjoyed both the spice and the label on the bottle. Now it is in high demand and a form of currency by many of our soldiers.

Any time new visitors are invited to the Big Cock Ranch, they want to know how Dan makes the barbeque or steaks or whatever he’s cooking, taste so good. Dan usually lies to them initially and tells them it is because he is such a good cook. But reluctantly he admits to Special Shit being responsible for the accolades.

The Big Cock Ranch-sponsored Barbeque Team uses Special Shit in competitions and has yet to be denied a place in the winner’s circle. In fact, great effort is expended to keep wraps on Special Shit. Other contestants, onlookers, and passerby have even stolen the jars in the past right out of their booth.

Special Shit contains no MSG, but the rest of the ingredients and their proportions are a closely guarded secret. We invite you to try Special Shit, we know you will be as happy as others who have taken the plunge and began using Special Shit instead of the boring, bland tasting shit they’re used to. In fact, if you are not 100% satisfied with Special Shit, return the unused portion for a full refund.

Condom Keyper Keychains


Life is short – Play safe. Stop carrying around that emergency condom in your wallet that will likely break due to age if you ever get to break it out. Safely carry a man wrapper for any emergencies.

Ice Mold Shot Glasses

As shot glasses go you won’t get any cooler than these. Just fill the tray with water and pop in the freezer, just a little while later you can knock back your beverage of choice from a super cool shot glass made from ice.

The Corkcicle


Open your favorite bottle of wine, slip the frozen Corkcicle in and wine is corked and cooled at the perfect temperature. No more need for bulky ice buckets that take up space on the table or ice cubes that dilute your wine. Just a lovely bottle of wine waiting to be enjoyed.

Quirky Ray Solar Charger


iPhones. Blackberries. iPads. Droids. iPods. Regardless of what your mobile device of choice is, they all have one thing in common—the battery is never big enough. The Quirky Ray Solar Charger is probably the best solar charger in market.

Xposed Bags

Here’s a subversive new line of bags that subtly reveals the real you, as well as your spiked collar and snub-nose revolver. Xposed comes in two styles – a handy zip-close cosmetic bag and a grocery tote. Durable non-woven plastic fiber. Uhhh, not recommended for airline carry-on.

Philips Fidelio Wireless Speaker

There are a lot of products lying around our homes and offices that we never quite needed but really, really wanted. A wireless speaker system for streaming music from our iPhones, Droids and BBs is pretty close to the top of the list. You could just unplug the speakers from your computer or load up Spotify or RDIO… but you already have apps for those so why not cut the cables? It’s especially hard not to rationalize when the speaker system in question looks like it was designed by Dyson like this Philips Fidelio system.