Floating cities, jet packs, and cyborg bodies; they’re all part of the amazing future we’re still waiting for. At Archie McPhee, we have been working feverishly to make that bright future a reality. Introducing Finger Sporks, instant robotic enhancements for your fingertips! Regular humans pick up one bite at a time, but a Finger Spork-wearing superhuman can scoop up four cyborg-size bites at once! Four vinyl Finger Sporks (3-1/2″ tall x 1-1/4″ wide) in four bright colors.
Special Shit all-purpose seasoning was born in the humble kitchen of Big Cock Ranch in Lexington, Texas. Dan Martin, cattle-baron and owner of Big Cock Ranch, has been using this special blend of seasonings for years on steak, chicken, barbeque, vegetables and other culinary delights.
One day, Dan’s stockbroker, Randy, watched as Dan sprinkled something from a very non-descript jar onto some juicy rib-eye steaks. Randy wanted to know the origin of the seasoning and Dan informed him that it was his own concoction. A few days later Randy asked if he could have some of the spice. Dan didn’t know what he was talking about until Randy said “you know…your Special Shit.”
Well, a legend was born
Friends and co-workers began encouraging Dan to manufacture Special Shit in quantity so they could give it to their friends and family. Soon co-workers were ordering it by the case. One of Dan’s clients began using it as sales incentives, another shipped it to their international sales offices. Folks in 17 countries have now enjoyed Special Shit.
The father of one of our brave soldiers in Iraq shipped his son a few bottles of Special Shit for Christmas to try to make the MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) a little more palatable. The soldiers in his platoon were so impressed that the military newspaper ran an article about how much the soldiers enjoyed both the spice and the label on the bottle. Now it is in high demand and a form of currency by many of our soldiers.
Any time new visitors are invited to the Big Cock Ranch, they want to know how Dan makes the barbeque or steaks or whatever he’s cooking, taste so good. Dan usually lies to them initially and tells them it is because he is such a good cook. But reluctantly he admits to Special Shit being responsible for the accolades.
The Big Cock Ranch-sponsored Barbeque Team uses Special Shit in competitions and has yet to be denied a place in the winner’s circle. In fact, great effort is expended to keep wraps on Special Shit. Other contestants, onlookers, and passerby have even stolen the jars in the past right out of their booth.
Special Shit contains no MSG, but the rest of the ingredients and their proportions are a closely guarded secret. We invite you to try Special Shit, we know you will be as happy as others who have taken the plunge and began using Special Shit instead of the boring, bland tasting shit they’re used to. In fact, if you are not 100% satisfied with Special Shit, return the unused portion for a full refund.
There are a lot of products lying around our homes and offices that we never quite needed but really, really wanted. A wireless speaker system for streaming music from our iPhones, Droids and BBs is pretty close to the top of the list. You could just unplug the speakers from your computer or load up Spotify or RDIO… but you already have apps for those so why not cut the cables? It’s especially hard not to rationalize when the speaker system in question looks like it was designed by Dyson like this Philips Fidelio system.