Category Archives: Household

Finger Sporks

Floating cities, jet packs, and cyborg bodies; they’re all part of the amazing future we’re still waiting for. At Archie McPhee, we have been working feverishly to make that bright future a reality. Introducing Finger Sporks, instant robotic enhancements for your fingertips! Regular humans pick up one bite at a time, but a Finger Spork-wearing superhuman can scoop up four cyborg-size bites at once! Four vinyl Finger Sporks (3-1/2″ tall x 1-1/4″ wide) in four bright colors.

Heart Egg Shaper – I Love You Eggs

Valentines Day is just around the corner. What a better surprise then heart eggs in bed. You could say “I love you” with a diamond ring or flowers, but why be like everybody else? This egg shaper turns a bland breakfast into a heart-shaped bundle of cholesterol that expresses exactly how you really feel. Each 4-3/4″ x 4″ Teflon® coated egg shaper produces perfect heart-shaped fried eggs, pancakes, toast or cookies. It even has a handy wooden handle that flips down for easy storage. Perfect for breakfast in bed.

Special Shit Seasoning

Special Shit all-purpose seasoning was born in the humble kitchen of Big Cock Ranch in Lexington, Texas. Dan Martin, cattle-baron and owner of Big Cock Ranch, has been using this special blend of seasonings for years on steak, chicken, barbeque, vegetables and other culinary delights.

One day, Dan’s stockbroker, Randy, watched as Dan sprinkled something from a very non-descript jar onto some juicy rib-eye steaks. Randy wanted to know the origin of the seasoning and Dan informed him that it was his own concoction. A few days later Randy asked if he could have some of the spice. Dan didn’t know what he was talking about until Randy said “you know…your Special Shit.”

Well, a legend was born

Friends and co-workers began encouraging Dan to manufacture Special Shit in quantity so they could give it to their friends and family. Soon co-workers were ordering it by the case. One of Dan’s clients began using it as sales incentives, another shipped it to their international sales offices. Folks in 17 countries have now enjoyed Special Shit.

The father of one of our brave soldiers in Iraq shipped his son a few bottles of Special Shit for Christmas to try to make the MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) a little more palatable. The soldiers in his platoon were so impressed that the military newspaper ran an article about how much the soldiers enjoyed both the spice and the label on the bottle. Now it is in high demand and a form of currency by many of our soldiers.

Any time new visitors are invited to the Big Cock Ranch, they want to know how Dan makes the barbeque or steaks or whatever he’s cooking, taste so good. Dan usually lies to them initially and tells them it is because he is such a good cook. But reluctantly he admits to Special Shit being responsible for the accolades.

The Big Cock Ranch-sponsored Barbeque Team uses Special Shit in competitions and has yet to be denied a place in the winner’s circle. In fact, great effort is expended to keep wraps on Special Shit. Other contestants, onlookers, and passerby have even stolen the jars in the past right out of their booth.

Special Shit contains no MSG, but the rest of the ingredients and their proportions are a closely guarded secret. We invite you to try Special Shit, we know you will be as happy as others who have taken the plunge and began using Special Shit instead of the boring, bland tasting shit they’re used to. In fact, if you are not 100% satisfied with Special Shit, return the unused portion for a full refund.

Pizza Scissors Spatula

Cut and serve a full size pizza with ease with the Pizza Scissors Spatula. This brilliant kitchen tool merges scissors and a spatula so you can cut and pick up a pizza slice all in one quick motion without burning your hands or having any toppings fall off.

Toilet Bowl Dog or Cat Water Bowl

The Toilet Bowl Pet Water Bowl is not only amusing, it’s useful and healthy for your dogs or cats. You fill a two liter bottle with water and place it in the “tank” of the toilet bowl. As your pet drinks their water, more fresh water flows out of the bottle into their bowl.

Chef Soap

The candles are lit, the table is set, the food is prepared and your hands smell like raw garlic, onions and fish. Vigorous scrubbing with hand soap won’t help, so how can you possibly remove that pungent food odor before the doorbell rings? The answer comes in the form of this 2-1/2″ x 1-3/4″ disk of stainless steel. Don’t ask us how, but rubbing your hands on this disk under a stream of water washes away any unwanted aromas and leaves your hands smelling like, well, hands. Best of all, you only need to buy one since they last forever!

Beer Boot

Celebrate Oktoberfest like a REAL German by drinking from DAS BOOT! This massive shoe holds 67 ounces, or roughly five beers in a single boot – enough to get you started

The Corkcicle

Open your favorite bottle of wine, slip the frozen Corkcicle in and wine is corked and cooled at the perfect temperature. No more need for bulky ice buckets that take up space on the table or ice cubes that dilute your wine. Just a lovely bottle of wine waiting to be enjoyed.

Copco – Bag Cap

The Bag Cap seals in the freshness of bagged foods without removing the item from its original packaging. Simply attach the two-piece Bag Cap to your open bag, then when you need some chips, candy, frozen vegetables or grains, simply flip open the cap and pour out as much or as little as you need. After you’re done, snap the cap closed and store

Stainless Steel Ice Cubes

There are reusable ice cubes and then there are these guys, made of stainless steel. Ice cubes melt and dilute your drinks but stainless steel ice cubes give you the beverage chilling goodness without that melting nonsense.

Yummy CooKeys

Table Saw

Never have a meal that is too big to tackle. Use the table saw. A great gift for that hard to shop person.

Outlet Extension – Why do we not have this yet?

Instant Water Candle Kit

U-Socket – USB Wallplug

Can’t live without your iPod or portable speaker or other device that can only be charged using a USB cable? Of course, you could just go out and shell out a few extra bucks to buy a separate charger. Or you could just install the U-Socket USB Wall Plug on your wall instead.

Xtra Cream Please – Super-sized Creamer

Who doesn’t love the little cream containers at our local diner? Finally, someone took those tiny cups of cream and gigantified them. This ceramic carafe comes with a snap-on silicone lid to keep your milk or cream nice and fresh.

ThumbSaver – Magnetized Nail Setter

It’s grooved magnetized tip is strong enough to hold even the thickest of nails firmly in place while hammering — sparing your most important evolutionary digit in the event your aim is slightly off the mark.

Vegetable Keep Sacks

Hang these ingenious harvest storage bags anywhere to conveniently store and dispense vegetable crops like onions, garlic and potatoes. They’re made from a cotton and linen fabric that allows air to circulate but blocks out light to prevent sprouting.

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